Quick Jokes 3

Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is shagging her!

Q: How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A: When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose!

Q: What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A: His body!

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: Because they're practicing to be men!

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him!

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part!

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy!

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough!

Q: Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
A: To knock the penises off the smart ones!

Q: Why do men name their penises?
A: Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions!

Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions!

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts!

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"!

Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him - Then tell him to pick only one!

Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe!

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds!

Q: How do you know when it's time to wash the dishes ?
A: Look inside your pants. If you have a penis, it's not time!

Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your car!

Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A: He sat down and worked it out with a pencil!

Q: What has Kodak and a Condom got in common?
A: Thay are both there to capture that special moment!

Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is when you use a feather, kinky is when you use the
whole chicken!

Q: How many sexists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, let the old girl cook in the dark!

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what's the bird of true love?
A: The swallow!

Q: How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
A: Phone her!

Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down and use a lubricant!

Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak!

Q: What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E?
A: One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem!

Q: Why does the bride always wear white?
A: Cos it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and fridge!

Q: What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing, she's been told twice already!

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in!

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what
have you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long!

Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
A: Because they think men give a damn!

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