Quick Jokes 2

Q: What do you call a cow with only its two right legs?
A: Lean beef!

Q: What do you call a cow eating a Polo?
A: Mints beef!

Q: What do you call a cow with a corn on its foot?
A: Corn beef!

Q: What's the difference between BSE and PMT?
A: One is Mad Cow Disease; the other is a big problem for farmers!

Q: What do you call an Australian with a sheep under one arm and a
goat under the other?
A: Bisexual!

Q: What's the similarity between getting a blow job from an eighty
year old woman and walking a tightrope?
A: In both cases, you really don't want to look down!

Q: Did you hear about the new birth control pill for men?
A: It doesn't do anything about the baby; it just changes your blood
type!

Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in
pain on the ground?
A: Shoot him again!

Q: Why do men always pay more for car insurance?
A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're behind the wheel!

Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead!

Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer!

Q: What's the difference between a box of sellotape and Phil Neville?
A: One's a glueless kit!

Q: Why do English make better lovers than Portugese/Germans?
A: Because English are the only one's who can stay on top for 45
Minutes and still come second!

Q: What do a 3 pin plug and the England footbal team have in common?
A: They are both useless in Europe!

Q: Why do women have orgasms?
A: It gives them another reason to moan!

Q: What's the difference between a pizza delivery man and a gynaecologist?
A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it!

Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar bill and a skinny woman?
A: One is a phoney buck!

Scientists have discovered a food that decreases a woman's sex drive by up to 95%. It's called Wedding Cake.

A woman sees a bargain offering 5 boxes of tampax for 1 pound, no strings attatched.

The other night, I was in bed with a Chinese girl. I said to her,
"How about a 69, love?"
"Sod off! I'm not getting up and cooking at this time of night!"

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

Two cows in a field:
"Are you worried about that Mad Cow Disease?"
"Why should I be worried? I'm a chicken."

Two cows in a field:
"I was artificially inseminated this morning"
"I don't believe you"
"It's true, straight up no bull"

"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's
"Well you can't say fairer than that then"

The doctor said, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"Give me the good news first."
"They're going to name a disease after you."

"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck."
"How long have you been having these Disney spells?"

Good King Wenceslas phoned Pizza Hut with his order.
"Is that the usual?", the man asked.
"Yes, deep pan, crisp and even"

Two Japanese sewage workers had an affair.
It didn't last, though; they were just Nips that passed in
the shite.

Two Aerials met on a roof, fell in love & got married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'

Man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doctor says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it'

"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home." "That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive...'

"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's." "Well you can't say fairer than that then."

So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."

Man walks into a bookshop, picks up two books and goes to the counter.
He cuts the bottom off one trouser leg and hands it to the assistant
saying, "There's a turn-up for the books."

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