Farts

When Not To Fart

1. In a crowded elevator
2. On a crowded bus
3. In a public library
4. While on a date
5. While giving a speech
6. In church
7. In a crowded classroom
8. In an office when you are alone - somebody's bound to walk in
9. In a movie theater
10. In a walk in freezer - its bound to linger for a while
11. In a ticket line
12. In your car before picking up a family member
13. In bed when you are feeling frisky
14. While fighting a fire in a burning building
15. In a patrol car for a minor violation

When To Fart

1. In your bosses office just as your leaving - make sure its a silent one
2. In a bathroom
3. In a cashiers line - it might help speed things up a little
4. In an empty elevator before you get off
5. Next to an occupied changing room - it may quickly become unoccupied
6. In someone else's unoccupied cubical at work
7. While parachuting
8. While scuba diving
9. In the back seat of a patrol car if you are arrested
10. During interrogation if you're the one being interrogated
11. In you car if you've been car jacked
12. In the changing room when you are sure somebody else's waiting their turn
13. In you car once you've been pulled over - the cop may let you go quicker
14. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors
15. While walking down a crowded hallway - nobody will know who to blame

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