EXCITABLE--Runs in, grabs for zipper, zipper is stuck; finally gets it down, finds shorts have twisted around his leg, can't find hole, rips button off in rage, pisses in pants.

SOCIABLE--Joins a friend in a piss whether he has to or not.

CROSS-EYED--Looks in one on left, pisses in one in middle, flushes one on right.

NOSEY--Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.

TIMID--Cannot urinate when someone is watching. Flushes urinal as if he has already used it, sneaks back later.

INDIFFERENT--All urinals being used, pisses in sink.

CLEVER--No hands, shows off by fixing tie, looks around, pisses on floor.

WORRIED--Is not sure of what he has been into lately; makes quick inspection.

FRIVOLOUS--Plays stream up and down and across urinal, tries to hit fly, never grows up.

ABSENT-MINDED--Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

DISGUSTED--Stands for a while, gives up, walks out, goes a few paces, turns and charges back. Doesn't make it.

SNEAKY--Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will be blamed.

CHILDISH--Looks directly into bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

PATIENT--Stands for a very long time, reads paper with free hand.

DESPERATE--Waits in long line, teeth grinding, pisses in pants.

EFFICIENT--Waits until he has to shit and then does both jobs at once.

TOUGH--Bangs penis against side of urinal to dry it.

FAT--Has to back up and take a long blind shot at urinal, misses, pisses on shoes.

LITTLE--Stands on box, falls in, drowns.

DRUNK--Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.

Men's Room Humor

Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"

Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

Say, "Now how did that get there?"

Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."

Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,"Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"

Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.

Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".

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