Woman won't unlock car door for man - Doesn't engage in oral sex.

Man gets in car without opening door for woman - No foreplay.

Can't hail a cab - impotent.

Insists on going to a brand new restaurant - prefers virgins.

Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way - Is a virgin.

Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant - Compulsive Don Juan.

Insists in going to a homey little cafe with windmill motif - Compulsive Don Quixote.

Insists on going to a Polynesian bar - Compulsive Don Ho.

Wants to go to a French Restaurant - will swallow.

Wants to go to a deli - Won't swallow.

Uses Sweet n' Low - Wearing falsies.

Takes too long deciding what to order - Has trouble reaching orgasm.

Orders salad dressing on the side - Will give you a hand job but will not go "all the way."

Gives explicit orders to waiter - Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed.

Asks for extra rolls - Will say she's using birth control when when she's not, will get pregnant and sue.

Insists on ordering for you, refering to you as "The lady will have..." - Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't.

Asks for "the usual" - Insists on missionary position only.

Asks what the specials are - Will want you to use handcuffs.

Fills up on bread and crackers - Premature ejaculator.

Doesn't finish everything on plate - Has already come.

Insists on having some of whatever you ordered - Will make you sleep on wet spot.

Changes mind after ordering - Will never call you.

Changes tables - Nyphomaniac.

Drinks decaf - Fakes orgasms (female).

Orders in French - Fakes orgasms (male).

Sends food back - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money.

Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts - Needs you to talk dirty during sex.

Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers - Wants a handjob.

Orders a dessert involving nuts - Castrating bitch.

Wants to split dessert - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters.

Credit card is refused - Low sperm count.

Undertips waiter - Small penis.

Undertips parking valet - Small penis.

Undertips cabbie - Small penis.

Uses toothpick - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything.

Removable cassette player in car - Pull outs repeatedly during sex.

Cellular phone in car - Penile implant.

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